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Kitchen Nightmares

We half-expected Gordon Ramsay to step into the kitchen, screaming insults, slamming plates of food down on the counter tops, and throwing the microwave out the window, as tonight, we had one of our worst meals in recent memory. What kind of expletive-laden cracks would he make about this place? Who would he make cry? No doubt that his carefully-worded barbs would have left us rolling on the ground in tears of laughter, not the tears of sorrow we cried over our meal this evening. Having chosen our guesthouse for its proximity to the airport, this meant that there weren't any good dining options within walking distance, so for convenience, we decided to sample our guesthouse's three-course set meal - a mistake!

There obviously weren't any other guests joining us for dinner tonight, but that was understandable, given that it was New Year's Eve, and most people were probably heading out for a night of revelry. Our first sign that this would be a bad meal was that the receptionist was also our waitress for the evening. The second bad sign was our wine, a glass of red and a glass of white, neither of which were any good, both tasting as if the bottles had been opened several days ago. The next ominous sign was the distinct beeping of a microwave, which I chalked up to a figment of my imagination at first, but my worst fear was realized when magically, 30 seconds later, bowls of room temperature cream of mushroom soup appeared in front of us. Things that make you go hmmmm ... apparently, our receptionist/waitress was also our chef!

But the starter was just soup, so perhaps microwaving it wasn't the worst crime, and there was no possible way that our entrees would also be microwaved, right? Right??? RIGHT!!??!?!?! It could've been somebody playing old school Super Mario on a Super Nintendo, but I'm quite positive that I heard the microwave beeping once again, immediately prior to our entrees appearing out of the ether, like some ghastly apparitions of dried-out and tough lamb chops, crying for justice over their brutal and senseless torturous murders by microwave radiation, so that theirs souls could cross over to the other side, finally resting in peace in Shangri-La, for all eternity, lounging next to a South African charcoal grill, and taking a dip into a pool of cool, refreshing Pepto Bismol ...

We crossed our fingers that dessert wouldn't also be microwaved, and we were extremely pleased to find that it never set foot inside the microwave - hooray! Of course, given that it was ice cream, the chances of it being microwaved were highly unlikely, though you never know! I never like complaining about food, no matter how bad, because it does somehow feel rude, but especially in this case, as our receptionist/waitress/chef was so kind and friendly, and because it's actually a pretty decent guesthouse. In fact, the staff, from the manager down to the cleaners, were all wonderful for the duration of our stay. It's just that they should avoid serving dinner if none of it is fresh ...

Not to make any excuses for them, but it's possible that on a normal night, there may actually be a chef preparing dinner to order, and that this was a one-time occurrence, being New Year's Eve. Or perhaps this place really is worthy of being featured on Kitchen Nightmares, but we shall never know for certain, as a repeat meal here tomorrow night is definitely not in the cards ... as Gordon Ramsay would undoubtedly magically appear and command us "Are you daft, you stupid donkeys? Shut it down before you kill somebody!!!"

I supposed that we should look at the bright side, as this really is a First World problem for those that are lucky enough to have the privilege of hiding in the tourist bubble. We are still fortunate enough to have returned to South Africa, to embark upon the next chapter of our African adventure - an adventure that is sure to be filled with excitement and unforgettable memories, and hopefully, one without any more microwaves!

Cold Mushroom Soup ...

Cold Mushroom Soup ...


Sad ...

Sad ...


More Appetizing Than Dinner ...

More Appetizing Than Dinner ...


Albino African Village Girl ...

Albino African Village Girl ...


Zebra Mooning Us ...

Zebra Mooning Us ...


Hiding Giraffe ...

Hiding Giraffe ...


Feeling African ...

Feeling African ...


Feeling African Electricity ...

Feeling African Electricity ...


Leaving Zambia for South Africa

Leaving Zambia for South Africa


Caffe e Vida ...

Caffe e Vida ...


Hooray ....

Hooray ....

Posted by vagabondvoyager 17:00 Archived in South Africa

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